I think that about sums up my life this past month. A quote from a co-worker of mine as I told her what was going on in my life lately, and you know, she wasn’t wrong.
The reason or reasons why I’ve such a FailWriter! lately goes a little something like this. If you’ve been following my Tumblr you know I’ve been dealing with a sick relative – my grandfather – was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we’ve been nursing him at home between myself, my mother and my aunt. It’s been… rough, to say the least. But, we’ve soldiered on because that’s what you do, right? People get old, they’ve made people who’ve made people so we’re all there to take care of the first people, right?
I gave up my internship which I loved and adored – the work was something I knew like the back of my hand and the people were awesome. I got another job, a full-full time job with full time responsibilities. Two weeks ago was when I started, and that’s when everything started to fall down. I was ill, flu, and feeling like shit to be honest, and starting a new job with new people and lots of tasks when all you want to do is curl up and sleep for a week because you can’t breathe, well, it’s not great is it? That happened, and then, then the other thing happened. My father, who is a young man in the eyes of …. you know… older people (he’s 54) collapsed while out shopping and was taken into hospital. They said it was clot they said it was going to be fine.
They were really wrong though because it wasn’t a clot.
I went to visit him that Saturday, and not sat down with him five minutes when the doctor and nurse asked us to ‘come with them’.
Dubious no doubt, and even more so when I was asked if I was his ‘next of kin’?
Apparently I am, and apparently they remove your tact gene in medical school because they sat us down and informed us that hey, sorry but you’ve a massive mass on your right lung and hey, it’s lung cancer. Going on to provide no comfort, or details of what was happening (or in this case no happening for WEEKS) leaving both of us just sitting there in a daze, and that feeling of something having slapped you across the face and that you were in free fall. We still don’t know details so it’s as if we’re all just waiting for that other shoe to drop, that other very heavy fucker of a shoe. For now, we wait.
So there was that.
Not that I use this as an excuse for not writing because being honest I don’t need an excuse, this isn’t my job and as much as I love it and you guys… you know I realize it’s not the main priorities in life but it is one of mine, not the main ones, but ones none the less. So, I figured a little touching of the bases was maybe in order, and I do like to write out my feelings from time to time, they help line everything up.
In short, life is touch we need to wear helmets – and I really need a strong one right now!
Ps. Flakes is on the go from Scribe, an idea of mine that I allowed her to adopt (ahem or actively forced her to write, whatever…) I’ve added a guest post of the EPOV if you want to check that out for now. Thanks!