EPOV:When she walked into that room, a few things crossed my mind. One, why the hell did I button the pants, it’s taken me forever. Two oh dear God she’s going to have to work …down there. And three, I had just about willed away my morning wood since a more hands on approach wasn’t possible right now, and she shows up? God hated me, this was my payback for all those dirty dreams involving myself and Sookie over the years, and maybe a few with Marilyn Monroe too, but that just couldn’t be helped.
When she asked me to stand if I could I regretted lying to her about being able to stand. It hurt like a hell and kind of made me woozy, but it was a better alternative than having her stand over me smelling so good and fidgeting with my nether regions.
Instead of her leaning over me I got her sitting on the chair bringing her just about eye level with my bellybutton. I have to say the stream of images that ran through my head could possibly make the devil blush.
I should be ashamed of myself, all she was doing was helping me, making sure I don’t get infected or sick and what was I doing? Fantasising vividly on what her mouth on my body would feel like.
She leaned in closer to allow herself a better view, her hands worked so dainty and nimble as she slowly stripped off my coverings. I tried really hard to not enjoy the feel of her breath on my skin, no really I did… I imagined dead kittens and kicked puppies and maggots and Sister Agnes naked doing a hula dance…all of it, but I was zoomed right back to how sexy it looked when she was concentrating and would pull her bottom lip into her mouth,
God I wanted her to touch me so badly that it was beginning to hurt. I just wanted to close my eyes, grab her hands and aim them in the right direction.
Maggots, old lady sagging bits…..Nope I could almost feel all my blood just rushing to my dick, betraying me each step of the way. Maybe she wouldn’t notice. Maybe this was all in my head and all she was looking at was my stitches and plasters.
I saw her eyes widen and her cheeks flush a little when she realised, it was adorable. Then she sucked her lip back into her teeth again and I was a goner, I gripped the bedside table as hard as I could hoping that it would anchor me to reality where asking her if she’d mind tasting my dick?… would be a really bad idea.
I tried to get my breathing under control again before she looked me in the face, though I was sure at this point I had a flashing neon sign on my forehead that said ‘I really want to make love to you, how about it?’
It was good to know she was as distracted as I was when I realised she’d missed the antiseptic part of the routine, my voice betrayed me when I spoke and it came out deeper and more breathless than was probably socially acceptable in the presence of a nun.
After that she finished up her business quickly, all the while not looking at me while she rambled on …something about juice? I had no idea, I was more focused on trying to hide my boner, though pointless since she’d just about seen all I had to offer through my white and very thing long underwear. I felt like a creep. I should have been able to control myself, I was a grown ass man I shouldn’t have allowed my body to react like that right? It wasn’t fair to her.
I wanted to apologise but how did you apologise for something like that? “Sorry I’m so attracted to you but I’ve had dreams of your mouth on my cock since I was sixteen and you were real close just now….”
No, it was best to keep my idiotic mouth shut for once.
By the time she finished up in the room I was harder than was probably medically save. I wanted nothing more than to reach down and relieve all that tension, but I couldn’t.
Because stupid stab wounds made reaching and stroking a hazard to the twenty something stitches patterned down my side and into my groin.
I closed my eyes and for the second time in a matter of hours attempted to mentally will my self to turn off. Guilt over took me and I spent a good portion of the afternoon praying, mostly to distract myself but if anyone asked it was for forgiveness and thanks. Not that I wasn’t thankful that I survived, I really was, and in a way it was a strange blessing. Sookie and I finally managed to talk, I realised out loud finally what a ass-hat was being and I got proof that she cared about me. Her concern and worry was nice, not that I wanted to cause her concern or worry but growing up were we grew up very few people cared or showed concern, so I guess it was a novelty. I knew that I wanted to act on my feelings for Sookie, that much was a given, we had a chemistry of sorts it seems, that whenever we’d get close and alone it was almost like the air became charged somehow. Making eye contact sometimes seemed to suck all the air out of the room and the only way I felt I could breathe again would be to kiss her.
Then one of us would say something or do something or someone would interrupt, and the moment would be gone.
On the one hand the decision to allow my thoughts of Sookie to wander was a easy one, my thoughts were in my head and they harmed no one but me…but on the other hand, look how easily and how quickly we made that slip in my bedroom, how easily it happened for us both. That was what was wrong. It shouldn’t have been an easy thing. We made vows, well, I made vows she had yet to take her final sealing vows to this life…and I had no qualms in admitting, at least to myself, that if she wanted me to I’d give up this life in a heartbeat as long as I got to have her by my side.
Insane? Probably. But I realised being out in the world, meeting so many new people, seeing women, observing couples, observing life… She was what was missing. I’d see something beautiful and long to show it to her, or I’d see something that would remind me of her and it would cause my heart to ache and miss her. I never thought those things were possible, but they were. So to be back and be with her everyday, it was somehow the same but so different all at once. Unlike before we were free to laugh and joke when we got the time, now instead of just being a boy, and a girl, frown upon even at that, now we were ‘priest’ and ‘nun’ and people looked to us to be the kind of people they didn’t have the discipline to be. They wanted their priests celibate and their nuns to be virgins for life, they wanted us to preach to them on how they should and shouldn’t live, because they didn’t have the discipline to preach to themselves or take control of their spiritual lives themselves so they relied on us to do it for them.
How was that fair?
What made the fact that we abstained from sex so special? That we abstained from taking comfort in a lovers arms at night, or a gentle kiss of comfort when it was needed? What made that the basis for our qualification to preach the word of god? The institution of Catholicism was screwed I knew that much, but of course there was very little I could say on the matter without being hailed a fascist or something equally as over the top. I knew I had my faith, my faith in God and my faith that good people deserve good things, sins should be punished but let the punishment fit the crime… Was my feelings for Sookie a sin? And if they were, what punished awaited me on the other end because of it?
It took three weeks but Eric was finally back on his feet. Walking was good, slowly of course but after his stitches were removed he seemed a lot more mobile. Niall had him strictly on desk work for a week while he went to New Orleans, a bishop friend of his was ill and he needed the support. Bill gave all the masses and confessions, surprisingly or not that I was absent from. The idea of being alone with him in that little box made my skin crawl. I just wouldn’t and couldn’t do it.
I did my best to make sure that all my chores after teaching were done in record time so that I could go and hang out with Eric for at least a little while every day. It was nice and calm, even if seeing him behind Niall’s desk was a little odd.
I was baking the breads and the cakes for the coming week when he came into the kitchen at around seven am, looking a lot better than he had in the previous weeks. His steps were still slow and careful but he was a lot pinker than paler and he had a smile on his face.
“Morning Sookie.””Good morning, coffee?” I suggested my hands kneading the dough vigorously, my apron saving my habit from getting completely caked in flour, I’d discarded my veil, some could cook with it on I wasn’t one of those people.
“You sleep ok?”
“Some, off and on, I think the pain meds were messing with my head. I’ve heard of vivid dreams before, but this last couple of weeks they’ve had me thinking twice when I woke up…What was real, what wasn’t. Very strange.” He furrowed his brows as he sipped his coffee leaning against the kitchen island that I was working on.
“What were you dreaming about?”
He stared into his coffee mug as if inside it held the answers of the universe, before mumbling a ‘nothing really’ in my direction.
“So what are you baking today?”I smiled as he tried to snatch one of my croissants on the cooling tray.
“Ah-ah. No you don’t. They aren’t for you. I’m making a few cakes, a few dozen cupcakes, I’ve about four loaves baking as we speak and a few apple pies that are almost done.”
I swear his eyes expanded “And I can’t have any? Come on Stackhouse, I’m a healing man, I need my-”
“Excessive sugar intake? No, you don’t.”
“Ok maybe I don’t need the sugar, but I want the sugar.” He whined, like a little kid.
“Sugar Nazi. Come onnn.”
He attempted to grab the cakes but I moved them swiftly. His slower abilities made his usual swift self fail in catching me as I darted to the other side of the island holding them out of his reach. Sadly slow or not he still had extremely long limbs bumping me and causing me to drop one of the bigger cakes on the floor.
We both stood looking at it for a second before he laughed. “I guess we can label that just for Geraldine huh?”
“This is not funny! It’s taken me forever to-” But before I could finish a splat of flower landed on chest.
Oh no he did not.
“Eric, stop…Put down the flour bag…Now.” I attempted to bargain with him, failing of course as he smiled that wicked smile that told me he had no intentions of listening to me.
“Fine, give me a cupcake and I’ll put it down.”
“But…they’re not-” another splat. This clearly wasn’t on. I grabbed bowl of icing sugar and retaliated, covering his nice black blazer, shirt and pants in white and pink icing sugar dust.
I couldn’t help but laugh at him, confused as he looked he was still spry enough to grab my wrist and pulled me to him.
He didn’t say anything as I continued to giggle, trying my best to repress it but failing he raised his brow at me before reaching for the bowl behind me. It was premixed icing, all wet and ready to be applied with the brush.
“Ok Eric I’m sorry ok no.””I’m sorry? What was that I didn’t quite catch that last part? Hmm now what could I do with this sticky sweet, messy brush….wouldn’t it just be a shame if it fell into the wrong hands.”
I tried to wriggle out of his grip but it was no good. He dragged the brush down my cheek once, the dripping icing sliding down my cheek and onto my neck. It was gross and sticky and smelled so good.
“That wasn’t very sanitary Eric.”
He just smirked.
“You’re still not getting anything.”
He pursed his lips thinking one way or the other before he just leaned in and very gently, very slowly, said “Fine, I’ll just get my sugar fix this way.” in a low voice that I’d never admit, but it made me tingle. Right before he kissed my neck, then licked, then kissed it again. My legs felt weak, his grip on my hands had ceased and for a minute we just stood there looking at each other. Covered in flour, cover in icing, and in my case, covered in kisses.
He didn’t apologise and I didn’t want him too. Instead he just moved a safe distance from me, admiring the view out the window, as if nothing had happened.
It was then I heard sharp heels stomping down the hallway, and made myself look busy by cleaning up the mess.
Bill entered the kitchen with various books in his hands, observing the mess of both the kitchen and ourselves he rolled his eyes and sighed.
“What the hell has gone on in here…Northman, feeling better I see?”
“Yes Bill, much better, you know, nothing like being stabbed in the gut a few times, to then be yanked out of the hospital before my time …But thanks I’m feeling much more myself again.””Care to explain?” he gestured to the kitchen.
“I was testing the icing, can never be too careful these days Bill.” he smirked before swiping one of the cooled cupcakes and walking out the door. Leaving me with a very un-amused looking Bill.
“Sookie, the bishop will be here for his meeting after 11, I expect this to be cleaned up and for the necessary arrangements to be made for high tea, understood?”
He just rolled his eyes at the state of me before exiting as swiftly as he arrived. And just like that I was left to clean up the mess, again.
EPOV:I figured if I was going to do it, I was going to go all out. Yes I’d made the decision to kiss her neck, and well…lick her neck really. I could blame the sugar or the smell of the icing or the whatever, but no it was her and I make no apologies about it. She didn’t protest, she didn’t stop me, she didn’t slap me in the face – which honestly I was half expecting. Instead she just looked at me, those big puppy dog eyes attempting to tell me something that she couldn’t or wouldn’t allow herself to say out loud.
I wanted to do it again, I wanted to do that and more again and again and I hated myself for it. I hated that my stupid snap judgements and decisions could have gotten us caught. Had Bill walked into that kitchen three seconds before, we’d both have been completely screwed. Had any of the other nuns walked in, Christ, had Geraldine walked in. It was unthinkable.
And yet I thought. It was all I thought about. I also knew that I had to stop. I could keep kissing her.
She had to step up, if she wanted this like I wanted this, then she had to let me know. I didn’t want to be the aggressor or the risk taker all the time.
I would wait, even if it took forever, I’d wait for her to decide if she wanted me.
I don’t know what I’d do if her answer was no.
I’d been working in Niall’s office for a few hours, catching up on my reading he’d assigned me, organising his parish files, answering his phone and dealing with the problems of the parish as best as I could in his absence. If it was something I couldn’t handle Niall had told me to forward my calls to Bill.
But let’s be honest, if it was something I couldn’t ‘handle’ there was no way in hell I was going to let him know that. So I did what I do best, in sticky situations, I’d just wing it and see what happened.
So far I’d okayed two church bake sales and a clothes drive for the homeless and I was feeling pretty good about myself, when Sookie walked in wheeling her little tea cart I smiled.
“Coffee or tea?””I could have gotten it myself you know, you don’t have to-“”No I know, but I had to for Bill and the Bishop so while I was here I thought I’d say hi.”
Then it hit me.
“Bill and the Bishop? What’s he doing here? I didn’t know about this?”
She shrugged setting out a cup for me, as well as two yellow cupcakes.
No not getting distracted by sugar.
“He just said something about a budget? I’m not really sure, they hushed when I walked in and I didn’t think it right to eavesdrop.”
“Oh. That’s weird right? That the bishop is meeting with him but Niall never told me?”
“Maybe he forgot?”
“No…that’s not like Niall, the man has a memory like….well, something that has a long memory.”
God I loved that sound.
“Listen Eric…about what happened before…”
“I’m not sorry.”Her eyes widened. “You’re not?””Nope. I don’t care any more Sookie. I wanted to do it, so I did it.”
She was silent for a second before leaning against the desk as I crossed it to lean next to her.”But doing everything you want to do…that’s not…right.””Why?”
“That’s not an answer. Honestly, if you could do anything right now without fear of repercussions, what would it be?”
She looked at me before rolling her eyes and sighing a very Sookie-like-reaction.
“In reality there is no such thing, everything we do, every action or non action has a consequence Eric.”
“But if there wasn’t?”
“There always will be…”
“But if there wasn’t?”
She sighed again before answering. ” Fine, if there wasn’t I would…” and just like that she grabbed my face and kissed me smack dab on the mouth. Fast and passionate I let her take the lead as much as my body would allow before retaliating with as much vigour. When she broke us apart she touched her lips and wouldn’t make eye contact with me until I had to tip her chin in my direction.
“I can’t believe I just did that…” she said meekly.
I knew she was internally beating herself up about it, but I wasn’t going to give her the chance to change her mind. She wanted this to happen, hopefully as much as I did.
“I can…” I added before embracing her again, this time using the desk as my leverage to lean into her a little. Each little gasp for air in between kisses turned me on even more. She was exploring my hair with her hands and bring me closer to her in the process. Her hands moved from my hair, to my neck, to my chest where she gently pushed me away as she turned around rapidly.
“Are you freaking out right now?” I asked finally.
“No…but I should be? Shouldn’t I?” her face was red and her lips more swollen that I’d ever seen them. I kept mentally chastising myself. Not a bull in a china shop, this was Sookie, I had to calm down.
“Maybe? Maybe not. I just know I can’t wait to do that again.” I smiled and shockingly she smiled back bashfully of course.
She smoothed out her skirt, she fixed her veil, and wiped her mouth. As if I had left my mark on her that perhaps others could see? She exhaled loudly before telling me that my coffee was getting cold and that she had to go check on the laundry.
I thought she was panicking but she smiled warmed at me again before adding a small “Me too.” Before she backed out of the room.
This was both amazing and terrifying and against every rule in the rule book. And yet, somehow, I didn’t care.
She felt the same, that was the main thing.
The next day I hadn’t seen her around all morning, and I was starting to get antsy, call me crazy, but I think I needed my daily fix of Sookie wisdom before I began my day. It didn’t feel right all day without having seen her, or teased her or stealing something from her kitchen.
Agnes was on kitchen duty and I felt she wouldn’t be so forgiving if I were to swipe any of her handy work.
She finally popped her head around the door around midday, though she didn’t look happy.
“Hi!” I couldn’t help it if I was beaming.
“Hi.” she mimicked my smile before it faltered slightly.
“You want to come in?”
“I…do, but well there is someone here to see you? She’s in the church, and she’s being quite insistent on seeing you right now.”
“Oh…okay?” She followed me out of the offices and into the pathway that led to the church entrance.
On reaching the church we both came face to face with the woman that had demanded my attention.