*Gif not mine
I was nervous as Erik and I sat down at the restaurant, Isabel had text telling me that she was stuck in traffic, but that she wouldn’t be long.
We poured our water, and I noticed that Erik was fidgeting.
“Some. I just… am nervous. What if this one does not like me?”
“Honey, you really have nothing to worry about, she’ll love you.”
“You speak of her as she means a lot of things to you, it would not be so good if she were to not like me so much.”
“I value her opinion, but she’s not God, you know?”
He nodded, just at that the ever late but always impeccably dressed Isabel found our table.
“Sorry I’m late, Doll. Traffic was a nightmare.” She said as she kissed my cheeks before turning to Erik. “You must be Erik, it’s lovely to finally meet you.” She emphasized the finally, probably one of many digs I’d get that evening.
“I would say Sookie’s told me a lot about you, but, she hasn’t. So, I look forward to hearing all about this … adventure you two have been on.”
Erik’s eyes widened to me as she took her seat, as if he wasn’t scared enough before.
“I think we need drinks.” Erik told our hostess, ordering himself a beer, and knowing my drink he ordered mine too, Isabel took notice as she ordered herself a glass of wine.
“I can’t drink too much, driving home and all.”
“Ah, we took a cab.” I smiled as the waitress came back with our drinks, and took our orders. When she left Issy zoned in on Erik.
“So, Erik what do you do? Besides meeting American women and marrying them in a matter of weeks.”
Then it was my turn for my eyes to widen. She was being rude.
“Isabel?” I chastised, but she clearly took no notice. I didn’t want Erik to feel bullied.
“I…” He began, before looking to me. “I do not marry all American women, I married one, American woman, my wife. It is not something of a habit that I have.”
“Sweden huh? Land of Abba and Ikea.”
“Oh, Erik hates Ikea.” I interjected.
She looked shocked.
“How can you hate Ikea? It’s land of all the things… the moderately expensive, flat pack things.”
“I’m a carpenter, by trade, also a fisherman, but my hands on trade of trades is crafting wood items…Ikea…”
“Offends him.” I smiled, making Isabel face me.
“Shit girl, he must fuckin’ hate your house then.”
Erik smiled then at that, nodding to her.
“Not so much, but there are certain things I aim to … improve on for her sake. Like our bed and possible the kitchen in time… mostly in need of some sturdy materials for the island. It is most unacceptable to sex upon as yet.”
I blushed, appreciating Erik’s attempt to lighten the mood. But she just grinned.
“Interesting. So you’re a tradesman then, in a sense?”
“Ja. Yes.” He answered taking a healthy ‘sip’ of his beer.
“He comes from this beautiful, tiny village in the middle of nowhere in Sweden,” I laughed. “It’s so lovely there, so… isolated, but so lovely. The people are beyond friendly and welcoming…”
“So friendly you decided to marry one in three weeks?”
Ah, we were back to that.
“Yes. I know it’s rash.”
“I’ll say…Sookie, and this is meant as no offense, Erik…” she aimed at him. “But, are you insane? I mean…3 weeks? I have food in my fridge I’ve had a longer bonding experience with than this. Again, no offense.”
He shook his head, he wasn’t offended, she wasn’t the first to give this lecture.
“I know, but it felt right. It feels right, it does. You know me, almost better than anyone, and do you really think I would have rushed into this without it being something I really wanted?”
She chewed her lip.
“No. Look, everyone has been surprised, no one more so than myself, but we’ve decided this is what we want. We’re hoping for the support of our friends while we start our lives together. I hope you’ll be one of them.”
She looked from me to Erik and back again.
“I guess you’re right. I look forward to hearing all about how you both hooked up, it’s really unlike Sookie to do anything like this. I think the shock got the better of me for a bit.”
“I think Sookie is capable of lots of shocking things when she puts her mind to it, I have to look forward to finding out what they are now.” Erik aimed at her but looked at me with an adorably proud look on his face. I guess out of everyone he was the happiest that I’d done something ‘so unlike me’, our marriage was the result after all.
For the rest of our dinner Issy threw questions at Erik and I, and handled her with grace and patience, and teamed with that unique charm of his, by dessert she was well and truly won over. As we said our goodbyes outside, and Erik hailed us a cab, she pulled me aside.
“I know.” I whispered back.
“If you’re sure about this… as fast as it has been…” She looked worried, not that I blamed her, I worried for myself too from time to time.
“Everything happened fast, but even when I was taking things slow with other guys I wasn’t as sure as I am… you know?”
She nodded, kissed me on the cheek before she hugged Erik.
“I’ll see you guys soon, okay? Nice to meet you, Erik.” She patted his arm.
“You know I used to hate things like this? Dinners and parties and weddings and any and all social get togethers that involved other couples.”
“Because you were alone?”
“Because I was so alone. I was so alone I was the girl that taped The View and ordered those meals-for-one pizza deals and ate the meals for two all on my own… That was a particularly bleak winter. I gained fifteen pounds.” I sighed, but kept going. “Now though, this makes me feel good, not being alone is good.” I nodded, more to myself than anything. “Not being alone with someone wonderful is even better.”
He smiled, wrapping his arm around me stopping us in our tracks for a kiss.
Oh, God. We were one of those couples now. We made out in public.
I would have hated me six months ago.
But as it stood I loved me, I loved married me with my lovely amazingly funny, hot to boot, husband. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I told you all my friends would love you once they met you.”
“Some were very protective.”
“They were, but you know it has just been me for so long all by myself… they sort of took me on under their wings collectively… just because.” I mused.
“I feel the same way, of you. I do not want harmful things or people to come to you, I can see why they were … shocked too.”
I nodded as we passed a guy selling hotdogs, and popcorn, and then a woman selling roses along the promenade.
Erik stopped her and picked one for me, I blushed instantly mainly because no boy or man had ever done something like that for me before. Sure they gave me flowers, but usually when they thought the date would lead to sex, or they’d fucked up. He seemed to do it, just because he wanted to.
I smiled as he handed them to me.
“They are not as sweet as ones from the store you own my Sookie, but they do smell very nice…and they look pretty too.” He shrugged and I accepted them with pleasure, leaning up once more to kiss him.
I didn’t think I would ever get tired of that.
In the taxi cab back to our home, Sookie had come on to me for the first time in public since we got to America. Usually here she was much more reserved than she was when we spent our time together in Sweden, it worried me a little but I had hoped that once all her friends and family knew of us that she would relax a little bit more. The cab ride home was hopefully the start of her relaxing. By the time we got to the front door, we struggled to find the keys because we were struggling to keep our hands off of each other. We came very close to giving the driver a show. I grabbed her close, squeezing her ass in my hands, bringing her flush against my body, we ignored the yapping dog for a few minutes until his yaps just couldn’t be ignored any longer.
“Don’t move,” I warned her before I swooped in and lifted Sam, he was swiftly let out to pee, his doggy door open, the bedroom door would be closed once we got in there. Sookie did move, even though I asked her not too, though the result was her trying to turn on the lamp, and turn down the bed, always so prepared in her manner of things when it came to sex. I had no such plans on being so prepared, so instead I grabbed her arm and spun her toward me.
“Oh my God,” she said with a giggle before my mouth crashed against hers for a kiss. “Erik I need to turn down the –“
I didn’t let her finish, I didn’t want her to view this as mandatory, that love making was only reserved for our bed together. We had proven in Sweden that we could adapt to all kinds of places, but since arriving here things had been rather… stagnant. Stagnant at least in terms of location, I wanted to make her feel so comfortable with me that she would no longer resist her urge to fuck me wherever she pleased, for if she did, I knew I would happily oblige her whenever the mood struck, wherever it struck.
I pulled down the straps of her dress; the strapless bra she wore underneath the only thing in my way, and that didn’t stand much of a chance. I yanked that down too, right before I slid my other hand up her thigh, getting rid of those tiny black pair of underwear she had on underneath her black dress. My whole body was tingling with excitement as I watched her try and keep control of the situation and of herself. I loved making her realise that with us, and sex, there was no need for such things. My fingers found my way inside her, finding her just as excited as I was beginning to feel, her arms instantly wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer to kiss her harder, my fingers working her thoroughly making her breath hitch. She wanted to move us back, onto the bed, but I had other ideas for us that night. Instead I noticed the throw pillows on the ground and decided that there would do nicely. I moved back, sinking to my knees quickly, bringing the rest of her clothes down her body with me, and watching as she stepped out of all of them in one quick movement. I trailed my hands up and down her thighs, from the angle I was in, the view was magnificent.
“Relax, Darling. Please relax.” I begged and I saw her attempt a deep breath.
“I just… don’t think…” She sighed, shaking her head. “No, not the time,” she added before my lips went to her thigh causing her moan a little as I grabbed her ass hard from behind again.
“Tell me?” I offered, hoping that if she did, it might put her at ease. She shook her head, letting her hair out of the grips that kept it off her neck. I got distracted as it fell around her shoulders, touching her breasts.
“Lay down with me?” I asked gently, still noticing her nerves but understand that this wasn’t the time for talking. I hated that even weeks later she was still nervous of me. I wanted so badly to put those nerves at ease. She sank to her knees too, looking wistfully back at the bed, I knew she’d rather be there, but I wanted to take her out of her comfort zone, at least a little bit first. I tugged off my sweater, discarding it somewhere across the room and before I knew it, she was pushing me onto my back, before she started working on the zip of my black pants. I didn’t fight the smile on my face as she tugged my pants off, leaving me just in my boxers.
She climbed on top of me, tugging my underwear to my thighs, reaching for my face to kiss me, then move her kiss from my lips to my jawline, and then to my neck behind my ear. I jerked automatically, I really liked when she kissed me there, and I liked it even more that she knew that I liked it. She stayed there for a few seconds, just kissing me, nipping at my earlobe before giving the same attentions to the other side. Then she moved to my chest as I struggled to control both my breathing and the urge to flip and fuck her into the carpet. I let her work her way down my body, knowing where she was going and what she was going for; Sookie for all her shyness gave amazing head.
I was throbbing when her mouth slid on me, and I didn’t hold back the moans that I felt either, I felt her mouth form a smile, and she liked that. I wanted to surprise her too though, I didn’t want to leave her hanging, and it wasn’t fair. So, I grabbed her ass again, light as she was, and sixty-nine’d us.
“Erik, what are you … oh my God… Erik?”
I knew she was surprised where I was going with us; I just couldn’t believe a guy hadn’t taken her like this before.
Once we found a rhythm, she relaxed a little bit going back to focusing on both me, and what I was doing to her. When I could feel her loosening up, and feeling the effects of what I was doing, I added my fingers. It made her scream and moan and chant my name in the best way possible. I flipped us around, so that I was on top of her, her face crimson from her orgasm.
“Holy baby Jesus…” she panted.
“You can have to say that again…” I pushed myself inside her easily, feeling her tightness right away as I held her arms above her head to take control now. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I instantly felt amazing about myself that I could do this to her, I already knew how I felt when she did things to me. I was glad the feeling was mutual.
She giggled to herself when we finished both of us with serious rug burn and very exhausted.
“That was unexpected.” She sighed happily allowing me to pull her closer, as we pulled the comforter off the bed and around us. Sam was yapping in the kitchen, but he went ignored.
“He has food and water, right?” She asked and I nodded.
“Good, he’ll be okay for a few more minutes…” she kissed me again playfully moving to my jaw and back again. “I can’t move my legs.” She said laughing and I felt proud.
“Very good, very…very… Good.” She pecked me on the cheek again, before rolling over on her tummy to look at me. “Right?”
“I mean it was… very good… from your side too, right?”
I squinted at her.
“Did I make you think it was not so good for me?”
“No, I mean you did it all right. All the right noises…and stuff…” she motioned to my dick… “But I guess I’m just checking in.”
That peaked my interest, but she moved away before I had the chance to talk to her about it.
“Sookie?” I asked as she got up and found her sleep shorts, why she was bothering with clothes at all, I didn’t know. “What do you mean check in? I love making the sex with you, I hope you know that.”
“I do…” she blushed. “I guess I just hope that I’m good.” She shrugged. I couldn’t get why this beautiful, tall, quirky girl felt so bad about herself. I wished she could see what everyone else saw.
I got off the floor, gathered the blankets around the bed again, and left her to get dressed. Sam didn’t care if I was naked or not, as long as I freed him from his kitchen prison. He came into our room, sniffed around us both, got bored fast and left. His doggy bed was in the hallway underneath the heating, he was happy there. I was still naked when Sookie came out of the bathroom, fresh faced and smelling like our soap.
I got into bed silently and waited for her.
“If there is anything… that you need to tell to me, you know to tell it to me right?” I offered.
“It’s just me being weird, don’t worry about it, seriously.”
“But I do, worry… You are my love, how am I not to worry?”
“Don’t worry then, it’s really not that big of a deal, I swear.” She kissed me on the lips, bidding me good night before she reached over and turned out her lamp leaving us in darkness. Leaving me as much in the dark as the room.
When I woke up the next morning, I was still feeling it from the night before. My knees had carpet burn, as did my back and shoulders, and everywhere else hurt but for a much more delicious reason. That and I was starving.
I checked the clock and it was just past ten am, and Erik was in the shower already, I also noticed his carry-on bag by the bed. Huh, that was weird. I didn’t interrupt his shower; instead I made my way to the kitchen, opening the door to let Sammy out, freshening up his water and dishing out some new food for his breakfast before I got started on ours. Once he did his business, he came running back in, straight for the dishes on the floor. I had just cracked the eggs in to the pan when Erik came out, dressed in what looked like age old jeans, an old grey tee and a black and grey flannel shirt with some big old boots to top it all off.
“Oh, you are going out?”
“Yeah, I forgot to tell you last night, I meant to at dinner… but then things… and more things and I forgot.”
He had his bag that he was stuffing a fresh shirt into, was this a trip?
“So what is the thing you forgot to tell me?” I asked, since he was clearly distracted again.
“Oh. Sorry… Jason called before and asked for me to go with him and his friend men to the boats; they are going to fish today and wanted me to come too. I said yes.” He smiled so wide I was positive his mouth might break. It didn’t surprise me though, once Jason liked someone he loved them until they did them wrong then he flipped a switch.
“Oh, that’s… nice of him. It’ll be good you know, for you to have some manly guy bonding time I guess.”
He nodded coming to my side to kiss me, his kiss tasting of Colgate.
“I think so too. Since I have been, it has been so many women… not that I am to complain…” he smiled again. “I love women, and one woman in particular… but many women and women talking subject…” He trailed off and I felt bad instantly, I had forgot how popular a guy he was with everyone back home, for him this was pretty restricted. I decided to be a good wife, ignoring the fact that he overlooked the need to tell me he was going out on a boat, on water, where he could drown at any time…and just be supportive.
“Well that’s great, some man conversation won’t go a miss then.” With that the doorbell rang, and before we had a chance to go to it, Jason walked in. head to toe in his ‘fishing gear’. I sighed.
I was sure you were meant to actually be on the boat for that shit to count.
“So the boat huh?” I aimed at both of them.
“Yeah, I mean we’ll be careful… I promise.” Jason commented opening the fridge and helping himself to some juice. “It’ll just be us and a couple of the guys.”
“No… that’s fine… but you just… have life jackets and things right? Just in case?”
Jason nodded before Erik began speaking.
“Sookie I have spent many months at sea, I will be fine, and if not… I trust your brother can swim?” He grinned as did Jason; my anxiety on the other hand wasn’t finding it so funny.
“Right, no he can.”
I can’t, but he can.
“Just be careful okay?”
With that Erik seemed to sense my fear and his expression fell more sombre.
“I promise you my love, I will be full of care.”
“And beer.” Jason smirked and I tried to calm myself. Drinking at sea just wasn’t safe, not that I kidded myself enough to think that Erik spend months at sea with a bunch of stinking fishermen and managed to stay sober.
“What are your plans for tonight?” Erik asked while taking pre-made sandwiches from the fridge. Just how early did he wake up this morning?!
“Oh, um… I might stop by Isabel’s place, we used to always do our cooking club on a Saturday night, so I might stop by since I haven’t been in a while.”
“That is a good idea. You can do girl conversations and I can fish and make friends. I am glad.” He patted my shoulder. “I didn’t like the idea of you here by yourself at night, this is good news.”
By the time they left I was almost exhausted listening to Jason catch me up on his goings on in the past few days, I had no idea being a Louisiana cop required so much frisking. With Erik gone I took my shower and my late breakfast at a snails pace, before I picked myself up and decided to walk instead of taking the car to run some errands. Sam was a happy puppy because he got to come too. By the time I got the house in order it was almost time to leave again. Erik was loveable but he was also rather messy when the mood struck him, and he seemed to forget to load his laundry a lot. It was annoying, but I had taught Sam to wait to pee outside, I was sure I could teach Erik to load a washing machine from time to time!
Like most of our girls nights in our ‘cooking’ somehow dissolved into ordering takeaway and alcohol and congregating in the living room with reruns of Sex and the City while we talked about our lives.
It was a lot cheaper than conventional therapy that’s for sure.
“So the biggest news since she was last here is that Sookie didn’t just find herself a boyfriend, she only went and got married.”
After the shock of the announcement wore off, the questioning began. Where I met him, how I met him, and just how good the sex was. Needless to say I needed a lot more wine by the time that topic came up.
“Sweet Sookie, are you telling me you and your married, lovely, and hot ass Swedish dong aren’t fully at it at all times?” Isabel frowned as she took a healthy gulp of her cocktail.
“Well…not all the time. We have lives you know!”
“Not as a newlywed you don’t. All I ever did when I first got married when we weren’t at work? Was fuck,” Hailey one of Isabel’s co-workers added. “I’m not kidding, I couldn’t sit down right for weeks.” She giggled. “You should take advantage of it all now, Sook.”
“And he is hung, I’ve seen what he’s hiding under his towels remember?” Tara spoke up with a evil grin. “I mean seriously, it’s a little unfair really that it’s Sookie that gets to ride on that train.”
“You’re just jealous, Tara. I’ve heard stories about JB and what he’s lacking.” Issie cackled making Tara pout.
“You shut your face. My man satisfies me just fine.”
“Riiight suuuure.” She added with another giggle.
“Shut up this isn’t about me, it’s about Sookie. Now, you seriously haven’t told him he was your first?”
I looked at my girls, and I didn’t feel shame in front of them, they all knew after all.
“God, why not?” Darcy asked. “I mean, I haven’t met him but he looks so cute with his little scruffy beard.” She said scrolling through the photos of us on my phone. “And he has kind eyes. And besides, you wouldn’t have fucked him, never mind married him if you didn’t trust him, right?” Darcy was one of Tara’s co-workers, we always had a good gossip when I shopped there or when she joined us for lunch.
“I just hate it, this social leprosy that I had to endure just because I hadn’t let a man fuck me yet! Do you know how hard that was?”
“Not fucking? Sure.” Isabel added but with sarcasm.
“We know, you’re yelling.” Tara interjected with a smile topping up my glass.
“I just don’t get it you know? How we’re only ‘real women’ once we’ve let a man fuck us, let THEM decide when we become women. It doesn’t matter that I was smart, or that I went to college or that I even had the guts to start up my own small business in this economy and actually fucking succeed! No, I was still the ‘weird’ Sookie who hadn’t gotten laid.”
They all frowned but said nothing.
“It’s fucked up is what it is, fucking male privileged society at its finest!”
“Can I get an A-Men.” Tara joked but it only annoyed me more.
“See? More fucking men!”
“Sookie, honey, are you okay?” Isabel asked offering me more pizza, like I was going to refuse. “I think I need to tell him, I mean I should have and it’s really the reason I’ve been so … I don’t know… strange around him.”
“Strange how?” Darcy asked chomping on her own pizza slice.
“I don’t know just like, distant I guess… with the sex.”
“But you have been doing it, right? Otherwise that is just a waste of good Swedish dick.”
“What?” She pouted, acting all innocent, bitch.
“Please stop talking about my husband’s … “
Each one of them said after the other, teasing me to death.
“I hate you all.” I sat back and folded my legs under myself, with only my pizza and wine to be my friends.
“Okay babes, come on, tell us.” Tara asked her face less teasing now, more serious.
“No. You’re all bitches.”
“We are all bitches, but we’re bitches that care, love.” Isabel added from the kitchen, fetching herself another bottle. I really would need a cab home.
“How do I tell him? Seriously, the last two guys I told, one of them thought I was a freak with something ‘wrong’ with me, and another asked if I was super religious and that he wasn’t ‘down’ with that.”
“They were assholes. Erik isn’t an asshole, tell him.”
It was after eleven already, he had called at five and had already sounded drunk. I wondered if he was home or not.
“I have to… I know that.”
“Have more wine; it might help loosen your lips… if you know what I mean.” Tara winked and instead of getting pissed I just laughed. She was a fool. As I got my cab to go home, Tara got hers uptown to meet with JB at some bar he was at with his boys. Then they’d go home together, I thought it was nice of her to invite me out, but I was already drunk and when I was drunk I mostly just wanted to sleep. Home is where the sleep was. Home wasn’t though, where Erik was.
“Come on Sammy, pee! I’m cold and I have to pee!” I said as I took him outside to do his business, so far all he’d done was sniff stuff he had no business sniffing. I was wobbly on my feet as it was, and I really was fighting the urge to pee. Stupid wine!
I was still wide awake by one, that’s when Tara texted.
“Home from the bar, saw Erik and the boys…and girls.”
I text her right back, demanding to know ‘what girls’ exactly.
That’s when she called.
“Hey girl, I don’t know just some serious stranger bitches were over talkin’ to him and Jason and shit.” She sighed. “I mean he wasn’t doing nothin’ or nothin’ but they sure were enjoying themselves, the stranger bitches too, one girl her boobs were just right –“
Tara became real, real, Southern when she drank. At least every other word was missing a letter.
“Right, I’m just sayin’ it was a nice top, didn’t cover much but it was nice. Anyways, yeah they were talking from what I saw he was having fun. He home yet?”
“No, not yet.”
“Oh. Shit. I figured he was and you could just ask him about it now, shit. I mean I swear they were talkin’…and maybe dancing a little too.”
I felt kind of sick but I wanted to blame the wine and pizza for that and not my own crippling paranoia.
“Sook I’m sorry I called I really shouldn’t have, or at least waited until tomorrow.”
I sighed. I wish she had too because it meant I had another hour and half of pent up freaking out before Erik stumbled through the door, telling it to ‘shh’.
“Oh you’re awake, I was just…” he started talking in Swedish, pointing to the couch. I was standing in the kitchen getting some water. Sam raised his head from his sleep but soon saw it was Erik and just went back to sleep.
“Sleeping on the couch before I woke you up, but you are already awoke… no…”
“That’s it! Hi.”
“I am. I had lots of alcohol. How was your night with the women?”
“It was good, how was your night with the women?”
He looked taken aback, and I wondered if he was going to lie to me about this.
“They were nice, Jason insisted we buy them drinks so they would talk to him, but they were already talking to him… but it would have been rude to not.”
“Was it fun? Drunk dancing with them too?”
He narrowed his eyes at me for a second, and then he smiled.
“We talked you know? Tara and her man person… with the rings…” he gestured as if he was trying to figure out the word but gave up. “The other girls were more flirty than I was but still I did not want to be the rude one.”
“And not dance. It would have been rude.”
I was being sarcastic but he clearly missed that. I sighed folding my arms.
“You are annoyed.”
“Jeeze you think?”
“Well, I don’t know how about because you were out on a damn boat all day drinking –“
“And fishing, the fishes are at your brothers home. I caught us many fish.”
“…And fishing but mostly drinking and then with the bar and the whores –“
“They did not seem like whores… they seemed like women.”
“Fine. Whatever. And you hadn’t called since five this afternoon, so like, excuse me for worrying about you.”
“But we said things were okay and then the thing died and the others did not have the same electrical charger as mine needed so look?” He handed me his dead phone. “And then Jason said you would be okay and then we caught this big Bass and lots of crawfish too.”
“Let’s go back to the flirting with the women.”
“Let’s because you are stuck on it like gum to a shoe!” He raised his voice slightly while pulling his shirt over his head, standing in just his black vest. “And it was no flirting okay? It was talking.”
“Same thing.” I pouted.
“Really not at all.”
“Really? So you’re saying you talked to them like you talk to… say… Adele?”
He squinted at me.
“No, see? There is a difference. You were out flirting and drunken ass dancing with club girls and I was here worrying. Just awesome.”
“You said you were going to the friends for wine parties. Was there no wine parties?”
“There was… but I’ve been home for hours.”
“Sookie…” He sighed. “You need to loosen it up a little bit.” He said kicking off his shoes and suddenly his every moment annoyed me.
“Oh, really? Am I just that little bit too uptight for you, is that it?”
Sure I was picking a fight, but it was easier for me to argue with him in that moment than it was to have an honest conversation about how scared shitless I was.
“I just think it’s funny, you went out to get away from ‘all the women’ and suddenly find yourself surrounded by them.”
“I do not see how that is funny it is more curious than funny.”
“Oh…” He realised.
“It’s just I had things I needed to tell you tonight and then you decided that my stupid brother and some drunk women were more fun, so of course in the long run that’s what you’ll want, more fun, and you’re stuck with a wife that’s no fun!”
I was spiraling and confusing us both. I should have just gone back to bed.
“You cannot know that. I would not be here woman if I did not want the things of life, of all the things with you!”
“Really? Then why not call?”
“Because the stupid phone died because Al was playing the upset birds!”
Angry birds. I wanted to scream.
“FINE yourself, you are not fine you are so angry and I don’t understand why? Because I discussed you with the women? Because I spent time with them? Dancing standing up and with all our clothes on? In public space with many other people?! I don’t understand!”
“You are jealous.” He stated and I couldn’t ignore it.
“What if I am?!”
“Then you have no reason for it. If I wanted to be with the other women, Sookie I would be with the other women.”
That hit me in the gut, though, I had no idea why, he was just being truthful. Sometimes the truth hurt.
“But I do not want them; I did not want the women in Sweden that I had tried to love. You I love. You I change my whole life for and leave behind all my people. ALL my people and all the things that I know well and know how to do well for you because of our love. And you stand here in your cartoon bed clothes and bark at me like Sam because you are jealous of some conversations?!”
Okay, then I felt like shit.
“I… didn’t ask you to leave behind anything for me.” I said lowly, because while it was true I didn’t exactly stop him either.
“No but being married to you, I knew you would not give up your life here and I wanted to. That is the points I am making I think…” he scratched his head. “I wanted to be with you so I make the choices, but sometimes the choices mean I am alone in a strange place with strange people who look at me all strange because I talk strange.” He sighed. “There are too many stranges but it is all true.” He sighed, plopping down on the couch. “I am alone most days and I do not like that. I am used to people all around all the time. I like people all kinds of people even the people with vaginas that are not yours. That does not mean I will fuck them, even if they want to fuck me. Which by the ways, they did want but did I want? No. I did not want.”
Then I really, really felt like shit.
I didn’t know what to say and I felt like an asshole, a completely paranoid asshole. By the time I left my empty glass of water back in the kitchen, and made my way back to the living room, Erik was crumpled up on the sofa, snoring. He snored when he drank. I didn’t want to wake him up to argue again, or even to admit my paranoia, not like this. Instead I reached for the spare blanket from our bed and draped it over him. We could deal with our issues later.