I’d planned the date in my head all week, I’d wanted to do something nice for her, but her fear of being seen and therefore found out was foremost in my mind.
I’d called into the bakery where’d I’d stumbled amidst my hangover that morning after my outburst to Sookie, and thankfully found Lafayette between one of his many jobs.
“What is this for Viking boy?” He asked wiping down the counter.
“I don’t know, just a thing.”
“A … Thing?” He asked me, digging for his answer.
I shuffled my feet, I didn’t really want to tell him, but he had this way of just getting things out of me. Plus he gave me a big mug of coffee. It tasted different than what I’d been drinking lately…
“It’s a date. Okay?”
His eyes widened. “So you and Miss Sook have been taking steps in a good direction then, that’s good to know.””But you know that no one else can -“”Shh, it’s fine, I won’t tell a soul.”I sighed in relief. “Thanks man.” he’d arranged the food basket for me, and that he’d leave it in the theatre when I was due to set everything up the next night. I’d stopped off at the cinema, making sure to ask a favour of Bobby the projectionist. He came to me for confessions, and was currently afraid he was falling out of love with his wife. It was a little sad. I told a few white lies. One, that Sookie was my cousin visiting from Sweden, and two, that she’d never seen a movie on a big scale before.
I was a priest going on a date, I figured tiny white lies were the least of my worries.
I was bouncing around in my office… or Niall’s office all morning before I knew we were due to meet out.
That’s when the phone rang.
“Hey Niall, how goes things in -”
“I don’t have time for much small talk boy, I just wanted to check that things are going well?”
He sounded pissed off.
“Nothing.””Lying.””Ugh, it’s Bill.” he sounded tired as well as annoyed.”What did he do?” I would kick his ass.
“Besides being an arse? Nothing much. It’s just his personality I’m not fond of.”
“Any info on what he and Geraldine were talking about?”
“Not that I can tell so far, but he doesn’t say much… To anyone.”
“Indeed. Are things going well at the church?”
“Yes very well, numbers in attendance haven’t fallen so don’t worry, I’m not driving people out of the church.”
“I’d hope not.” he chuckled.”Niall, do you know when you’ll be back?”
He sighed “There is so much to do here Eric… Are you feeling overwhelmed?”
“No, that’s not it. I just… I …”
I’m in love with Sookie, I want to leave the church. I’m sorry.
“I… You know what it’s not important right now, we’ll talk when you get back.”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. It’s nothing.”
He bid his goodbyes and promised to call in a few days. I wallowed in my guilt for a while, while I worked on the paperwork that needed my attention. I had to tell him, I knew that the guilt would just eat away at me if I didn’t. but if I did, what did that mean for Sookie and I? What did I mean for Sookie? If I told Niall, would he react badly and report us to the Bishop? No, I wanted to tell, but I knew I couldn’t… Not until Sookie was ready. Her faith was extremely important to her, and I couldn’t be responsible for ruining that. If she was ready to leave, then and only then would I do it.
By the time I got to the theatre it was starting to get dark, the fall evenings succumbing to night quicker as the days past. I set up a string of lights that was waiting to be hung for the festive period, I’d received the picnic from Layette, who of course shunned my need to pay him for it. He said that all I had to do repay him was to have a good time with my girl.
I longed for the time when I could call her that without fear of retaliation but when that might happen wasn’t really my choice.
Seeing how excited and happy she was with just a simple picnic made me both extremely happy, and extremely sad. It shouldn’t have been like this, our life shouldn’t have been like this. Hiding and fear and shame. I needed her to see that being together was how it was meant to be, forever.
I enjoyed seeing her happy, seeing her smile was so beautiful to me, since it was something I saw so rarely. It was just something else on the long list of things that I wanted for her, for her life. The only problem is trying to get her to see that it was the way forward.
The date was the first step. I had hoped that if she maybe
She was scared of the movie, it was so cute to see her all jittery and freaked out over something that couldn’t touch her. But it gave me the opportunity to cuddle her close, and if I’m honest, that was my goal. Sookie didn’t like to be scared, and you’d think growing up where we did ‘scary’ would have a whole new meaning, but no, when the kids would tell horror stories Sookie always sat away from the circle. She’d argue that there was enough to be afraid of in the world without making stuff up to make it worse.
After the movie ended we sat and ate, we talked, and we laughed, and it felt good, it felt normal.
“Thank you, this was so lovely.””You’re welcome, anytime.” I smiled at her, kissing the back of her hand.
“Anytime huh? I might just hold you to that.”
I helped her down the fire escape steps, she ladylike as ever held her dress tight to preserve her dignity… Despite having seen it all a few nights before, I said nothing and simply took her hand.
We decided we’d walk the twelve or so blocks back, and split up before we got near the chapel, just walking along with her, mixing in with all the other people on the street, it was nice. And I know she though so too, she sighed contently just as we reached our last block, and stopped.
“Thank you Eric. Really, this was just the sweetest thing.””You can stop thanking me, selfishly I wanted to take you on your first date, but again, like I said, anytime.” I smiled and leaned in to kiss her but she leaned away.
“We can’t, people might -”
“I get it. It’s fine.” I snapped sharper than I’d intended.
“Don’t be like that.”Apparently she caught my tone.
“I’m sorry, I forgot for a second okay? I just… I know that you don’t want to talk about the possibility of us leaving -”
“Eric, please. Don’t ruin a perfect night. Please, can we talk about this another time?””That’s assuming we ever actually talk about it.”
“I’m just not ready to go there. Okay? This is just something that… Look, please?”
I sighed, frustrated at her indecision, or her intolerance of even broaching the subject.
“Fine. It’s fine. Goodnight.” I leaned in again, this time I innocently kissed her cheek.
“Don’t leave angry, Eric.””I’m not angry.”She raised her brow in question.
“I’m not angry, I’m just tired.””Of me?””No! God, Sookie no you know that’s not it. I just, we took steps, we’ve done things that have consequences but you don’t seem to want to talk about that. Why?”
She was silence and looked past me to the traffic, then back to me.”I’m scared okay? I just don’t know what to do!””You stick with me, you love me like I love you and we go. It’s not that hard.”
She bit her lower lip as saw tears forming, and she started to walk closer to the church, crossing the street to the convent entrance.
“Sookie!”I jogged past the traffic to the door where she stalled. “Sook’ please don’t cry okay, you’re right we can just talk about it later.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to I do it’s just…””You’re scared, I get it.” I tilted her chin to face me “I get it.”
Her big blue eyes looking up at me, filled with tears, broke my heart. I couldn’t handle the idea that I’d caused those tears. I wiped one away with the side of my hand.
“Sweetheart I’m sorry.”
She sniffled. “You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s me, me and my stupid fear.” and with that she took off into the church, to the side entrance into the convent. I rounded the corner and ran smack dab into a waiting Selah.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise before apologising for bumping into me.
“What are you doing out here Selah?””I was … I was…” she stammered in fear as I loomed over her.”Was what?””Just, finishing up cleaning the aisle and altar for mass in the morning, Father, tonight was my night.””And what, you just stand around in the dark lurking?””N-no.””Then what were you doing?”She’d heard us outside, she had to have heard at least something.
“I was just leaving, I was l-locking the doors that’s all.””But the side door was still open, why didn’t you lock that?””I was on my way to do that when I…”I raised my brows expectantly at her, I was running out of patience, and frankly she was pissing me off.
“Selah, what exactly did you see when you were closing the doors?”She blushed.
“Nothing, I promise.”Shit, shit, shit.
“Selah, what you saw, it wasn’t what you might think that it was, do you understand?”
She nodded but I knew she knew, she’s seen me touching Sookie, she’d seen her cry, she’s seen me kiss her cheek. She might not know everything but it didn’t take much to put two and two together.
I sent her on her way, while I went to begin what I knew would be a night of sleepless tossing and turning, a night of worry, because really what would happen if and when she did catch on?Disaster, that’s what.
It had been two nights since our date, and two nights and days since I’d seen Sookie, she’d been on closing kitchen and opening kitchen duty for those two days, understandably she was preoccupied and busy, not to mention exhausted. The few moments I managed to talk to her alone were filled with fear on my part. The sheer paranoia that I hadn’t had before, I now had in buckets. By the third day I’d passed her in the hallway twice, each time she and I nodded hello, but she was always with one of the other sisters, so it was brief and polite. I wanted to blame her absence on my lack of sleep for those nights she wasn’t beside me, but I feared that even had she been there I would not have slept as comfortably with her as I had on previous nights. I was worried, too worried. I expected Selah to blab her mouth to Agnes, or one of the other younger sisters and for Geraldine to somehow find out.
It was killing me.
“Hi.” she smiled at me, pushing me against my door for a kiss. I ducked out of the way, stopping her.
“What’s wrong with you?” she laughed awkwardly as I ushered her into the office and closed the door.
“Jesus.” I stressed.
“Eric, what’s wrong?””Nothing’s wrong, but damn it Sookie you can’t just go kissing me in the hallway in the middle of the day!””Says you! Are you forgetting what we did in the kitchen?””Look, weren’t you stressed out about people finding out? Well, making out in the hallway that leads to the kitchen, kind of the best way to make sure that happens.” I ran my hands through my hair, I had to calm myself.
“You’re still angry with me.” she sounded sad as she looked at her feet.
“No, Sookie I told you I wasn’t angry, and I’m still not.””Then why are you acting like this…?”I went to her then, holding her face in my hands, “I’m sorry.”
She was silent for a second before pulling on my collar.”Kiss me like you’re sorry, then.” she smiled, and how could I not comply?
I kissed her longingly but lovingly as her hands got acquainted with my hair. I loved the sensation of her messaging my scalp gently as we kissed, it was a relaxing turn on all at once.
“Can I see you tonight?” She asked breaking us apart.
She smiled, leaning into fix the white collar section of my shirt.
“Good, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“What have you missed?” She toyed. It wasn’t often I got Sookie in a playful mood, I had to, even for a minute ignore the sinking pulls of my gut that something was about to go wrong.
“Well, I missed that smile for one. And how good you smell… and how you taste.”She pinked in her cheeks even as she licked her lips.
“I miss how you taste too.”
Staring at my lips she then looked me in the eye, there was unmistakeable lust there.
And that was all it took, all it took for me to lock the office door and slam her up against it. I was internally battling my fear, my lust, my sheer paranoia, all of it and it was too much, something had to give. And I guess the easiest of the three was the lust.
I shoved her against the door roughly and kissed her just so. I ground myself into her as hard as I could eliciting a small moan from her lips. I didn’t stop there, from the locked door I moved us across the room, mouthing at her neck the whole way to the desk. She complied completely in my arms as her breathing started to pick up.
“Eric …””Shh.” I said as I pressed her against the desk, I lifted her on to it, and as I did one of her shoes came off and landed with a thud on the floor.
I continued to grind my ever hardening self into her before I gather the skirt of her habit up, and up and around her waist. Just as I was about to tare into her nylon pantyhose with abandon, she stopped me.”Don’t rip them, they’re my last pair!” she moaned more than spoke, into my neck. So instead I rolled them down to her knees, pushing her further onto the desk before I sank my fingers inside her making her make a motion of a moan only without the noise that she was working hard to keep silent. She was wetter that I’d ever felt and it just turned me on even more. I was harder than hell and pushing against my zipper was starting to hurt.
“Oh god, oh…God.” she kept chanting over and over as I pumped her with one hand as the other caressed her breasts as best as I could given their containment. Her eyes were closed, her mouth was wet and open, pushing out her laboured breath as she silently talked to God whilst grinding against my hand. I wanted nothing more than to slake our lust by fucking her into that table. But I knew that wasn’t what I wanted for either of us, and definitely not for her first time with a man. It wouldn’t have been right, or fair. Instead I kissed her, I bit her neck and sucked hard, making her wince. Making her decide that two could play dirty, as she leaned up towards me and unbuttoned my shirt to my naval. She kissed my neck, my chest, while her free hand unzipped me and started stroking me hard and fast as she continued to kiss my chest, licking and sucking her way, stopping at my nipples where she bit ever so gently.
Jesus that was weirdly amazing.
She kissed me again, this time with more force, grinding harder on my hand.
“Eh-Eric.” she closed her eyes to try and focus, but all she said was “don’t stop…”
And I didn’t, not until I had her mewling in my hands, quite literally. I saw her toes curl against the edge of the desk, and I felt her walls clench so I pumped even harder as she came in my hand – mouth open, eyes shut tighter than ever, but allowing no noise to escape. Watching her neck flush red and white, right up to her cheeks sent me over as I came messily, sending both our breathing rates off the charts.
In her delirium she giggled finally opening her eyes, biting her lip, shy after all we’d just done.
I kissed her again before reaching for the tissue box behind her on the desk to clean us both up.
“I can’t believe we just did that…. In here of all places.” she looked around as she fixed her tights and dress to rights.”No worse than the church.” I mused.
Finally when our breathing rates slowed down she leaned into me, hugging me with all her might.
“What’s that for?” I asked.
“I love you, you know?”Smiling, I knew. Of course I knew.
“I love you too.”
She sighed happily against me for a moment.”And no matter what happens, I’ll always love you, just like I love you right now, right this second.” I said with convection.
“I must get back, I’ve to lay out the bibles for mass tonight.”
Mass, after what we’d just done. I had no right to stand on that altar.
“Okay. Are you okay?”She nodded once before kissing me on the cheek.
“I am. I’ll see you tonight, leave the door open okay?”
I agreed as I watched her check her reflection in the mirror by the door once before she left. Once satisfied that all traces of what we did couldn’t be seen on her face, she left. Leaving me as feeling as messed up in my head as the office looked. And it looked like a hurricane had just flown through it.
What the hell was I doing?